Things That Piss Me Off

There are so many things that piss me off that narrowing them down has been quite a task. So without further ado, for your amusement here we go: (these aren't in any particular order of annoyance)

1. People who litter. Now I know this might sound obvious to you but it's not what you think, Yes it pissess me off when people litter because it's bad for our planet and all that. But what really pissess me off is the smug non-chalantness of these scumbags when they throw something out the window of their car or just throw something on the floor. They look around and smile to themselves like they just got away with the heist of the century. Last week I was sitting on a bench with my daughter when some nit wit woman threw a bottle cap at garbage can from about 10 feet away and of course she missed. She just left it there and started to walk away. Of course I could not let that stand so I got up and shouted at her. "Hey, Moron, you missed the can."
She turned around and was kind of making believe that I wasn't talking to her. I said "Yeah you, you missed the can and the cap is sitting on the floor over there". She looked at me like I had two head, standing there holding her "cap-less" bottle of soda. I was relentless "Go over there and pick it up and put it back in trash can". Again stunned silence from this member of Mensa. Of course she didn't come back and pick up the cap so I did. Of course I abused her the whole time. (Very loudly)
"I AM PICKKING UP THE BOTTLE CAP THIS WOMAN DELIBERATLY THREW ON THE FLOOR. SHE IS A SELFISH PIG WHO DESERVES TO BE LOOCKED IN A ROOM THAT IS FILLED WITH LANDFILL FROM STATEN ISLAND. THAT WOMAN THERE IN THE BLACK DRESS WHO IS TRYING TO WALK AWAY QUICKLY. EVERYONE LOOK AT HER. SHE IS A LITTER."
Needless to say I felt better and my daughter got a kick out of it,

2. People who don't even have the slightest working knowledge of the English language who are put in positions of customer service. I have touched in this before with regards to my bank's customer service being sent over to India but now I am talking much closer to home. On the corner of my block there is one of these conglomerate "Dunkin Donuts/Pizza Hut/Taco Hell. When we were renovating my house 5 years ago we (my buddy and I) ate there almost everyday for month as it was the closest place to eat and there was nothing in our gutted house. And everyday it was a struggle just to get an order right. Now I understand that the problem in this particular establishment is twofold. First the language barrier and secondly that most of the people who work there are as dumb as a bag of hammers. I have nothing against people who work in the fast food industry, I myself have many years on those jobs, But the people hired in this particular store are absolutely the dumbest group of people on the planet. Even when they do speak English (the few that do) are still completely inept,
Anyhow, the other day I went down there to grab a quick lunch (there was absolutely nothing in the house to eat, I hadn't gone shopping yet). So I mosey on down and order a very basic thing. A personal a meat lovers pan pizza and a small order of buffalo wings. This was the conversation I had with the recent arrival in our country:

Me - I would like a Meatlovers Pizza please
Moron - A supreme.
Me - No, A Meatlovers
Moron - (Shaking her yes) A Supreme
Me - (Shaking my head no) No, Not a Supreme, A Meatlovers
Moron - (I shit you not) A Supreme.

At this time I Lose my shit and point to the rather large signs behind her which contain pictures of SUPREME - CHEESE - MEATLOVERS - VEGGIE LOVERS - PEPPERONI
And she turns back to me and say... you guessed it

Moron - Supreme

By this time I am appoplectic and the manager (another rocket scientist) walks over and points to the meatlovers button on the register. At this time the block of wood who has been trying to take my order smiles at me as if the past two minutes never occurred and says, in a barely understandable broken English:

MORON - Anything else?

Me being a glutton for punishment I say:

Me - Yes a small order of wings.

This is followed by complete stunned silence, because clearly I just started speaking in Esperanto. The lack of recognition on this womans face was something akin to Yul Brynner in that wickedly bad 70's flick "West World". So I say again:

Me - I would like a small order of Chicken wings.

Nothing. Finally the manager comes back over and pushes the button on the register. Now at this point I am out of my mind and I am thinking that this thing in front of me is not a human but a malfunctioning Jack in the Box Clown head. She just stands there with this blank expression on her face. At this point another customer comes in and approaches the counter. He is about to order when I say:

Me - Don't do it man, save yourself. Go to McDonalds.

Of course he just smiles the smile of a man who has not yet forseen his own destruction. The Clown Head speaks:

Moron Clown Head - May I help you?

Dead Man Walking - Yes, I would like two soft tacos and a coke.

SIlence from the Clown Head.

Finally the manager comes over and tells Clown Head (in a language I did not recognize) to go over and make the two soft tacos. Now, the nice human sacrifice standing next to me thinks he has escaped virtually unsinged. But he is mistaken. While the manager takes his money, with her back to Clown Head, the festival of pain continues. I watch as the Clown Head makes two HARD tacos. Human Sacrifice next to me starts to point at her. Clearly all speech has left his body. I on the other hand, glad to see someone else suffer for a change just giggle. The manager turns around just in time to see her wrapping up the hard shell tacos. Human Sacrifice next to me is begining to cry. The moronic manager actually hands the hard tacos to Human Sacrifice. He holds them in his hands as if two great eagles had just dropped a turd in each hand,

Human Sacrifice - I ordered soft tacos.

Manager from Hell - Just nods yes with that dumb expression.

I can take no more, I turn on this spawn of Taco Hell:

Me - Look you moron, that idiot made two hard shell tacos and you gave this man two hard tacos. Not the soft tacos he asked for (Human Sacrifice could do nothing more than nod, as the sacrificial knife began cutting into his still beating heart).

I could take no more and walked out. Without my controversial pizza or my authentic imitation Buffalo Wings (which would have been a compltete disappointment anyway). Fake Buffalo wings is a whole other thing that pissess me off.

I vowed never to go back there again.

Of course I say that everytime I leave there.