And Then It Snowed

You ever notice that the moment a snowflake falls from the sky, people lose their minds?

You would think they just got a bulletin over the radio "Aliens coming, you must stock up on Dinty Moore..."

They rush to the supemarket and buy more canned goods, milk and water than any one family could possibly consume in a month.

Snow happens people. It happens every year. Sometimes more, sometimes less but it always shows up some time between November and March. So why the big to do? Not too mention the fact that it goes away just as quickly, (assuming you live a reasonable distance from the equator) Antarctica not withstanding. So they rush around like headless chickens, preparing for this foreign matter that is falling from the sky. And how do they do this?

In a CAR ...

A heavy steel machine that quite often has a mind of its own. Even more so when the roads turn to freezing white sheets of slippery glass. This is just the time you want panicky people driving like mad to snatch up the last cans of SPAM and Hormel Chili that the Stop and Shop has on it's shelf. What a sad eulogy it would be if you wrapped you car around a tree on the way to make this all important culinary purchase ...

"Here lies Gern Blansten, he loved canned meats ...."

But it's never that simple. Because they never go alone. They want to take a couple of us with them. So they blow through red lights instead of trying to stop. Or worse they try to stop, but when you are going 50mph in a 12mph zone and you jam on the brakes with snow on the ground, the car does the exact opposite of what you intended. It speeds up. Fancy that.... Better to stay home, lock the doors and wait for the Spring ....

... Of course then you have the rainy season. Umbrella anyone? ....

Random Thoughts In The Wee Hours

I just finished watching the movie "Dummy" with Adrien Brody and Milla Jojovich. It was cute and amusing. I will not put on my filmmaker hat for this one. I will address this as regular person who knows very little about film.
Ventriloquists. What is up with them. Think about this for a second. You take a guy (or a gal, but lets say guy for the sake of argument), you take a guy, sit a block of wood on his lap and he basically talks to himself.

Now, (stay with me here, this is where it gets good) if this same person had, say a watermelon on his lap or perhaps a gravy boat, and started talking to it (and then making it talk back) you could assume with a modicum of accuracy that this person is a whack job and should be in a nice padded room where he can't do any harm to himself or the fine china. Swap out said gravy boat for a a block of wood with a mouth and we pay him to entertain small humans and old people.

Now here is the other interesting thing. I think ventriloquists tend entertain the elderly and the very young for one simple reason. Neither of them can really run away. They are pretty much stuck there. No hope of escape. And you notice that niether the elderly nor the extremely young ever call up the local ventriloquist union hall (or wherever it is they congregate) and say "Hey, we need Mr. Phips and Sparky over here right away!" No, it's always some 36 year old activities director or a parent in their late twenties. Not to mention the fact that as soon as the Ventriloquist shows up, said Activities Director and Parents make a bee-line for the break room or the back deck (respectively). They don't actually hang around to watch the psychopathic behavior taking place in the common room/TV room.

So tell me. What is the fascination? I mean, you know the dummy isn't alive. You know it's not talking. So basically you are sitting there watching this guy (usually in a bad suit and bow tie) making jokes and laughing at them. All I can think of is the awful ventriloquist in "Broadway Danny Rose". Barney Dunn. And as Woody says, "When they can't get an animal act they call Barney". At least Barney Dunn was funny, because he stuttered (perhaps that's cruel) but hey, show biz is brutal. Really it's enough already with the ventriloquists.

Now, let's talk about Mimes....